Counselling for Women:

ADHD & ANXIETY

You’ve always worked twice as hard to keep up—but it still feels like you’re falling behind.

For as long as you can remember, you’ve felt different. Maybe you’ve even wondered, Why does everything feel harder for me? You might have asked yourself, What’s wrong with me? or Why can’t I just get it together like everyone else?

You’re smart, capable, and hardworking—but daily life often feels more challenging than it seems for others. You have high expectations for yourself, yet no matter how much effort you put in, you might feel like you’re not doing enough—or worse, that you’re failing.

Your mind is always busy, but starting tasks—especially the ones that feel tedious—can seem overwhelming. You often jump between projects, interests, or hobbies—feeling energized one moment, then drained the next. And while you can hyperfocus on things that truly interest you, the tasks that matter most often feel daunting - not because you lack ability, but because they don’t engage your brain in a way that it naturally works best.

If you’ve recently discovered that ADHD might explain some of these experiences, you’re not alone. Many women go through life not realizing they have ADHD—until something clicks. Maybe it happened when your child was diagnosed, and you thought, Wait a minute… that sounds like me. Or perhaps you saw a meme about ADHD that felt a little too familiar, or a friend’s self-discovery made you start wondering if there was more to your own story. Whether you’ve self-identified, are just beginning to explore the possibility, or have a formal diagnosis, making sense of it all can feel overwhelming—but it can also be a relief.

Women with ADHD often experience heightened anxiety, especially when their needs have gone unrecognized or unmet. The pressure to keep up, meet expectations, and push through challenges can be exhausting—especially when perfectionism drives you to work twice as hard just to feel good enough. Over time, the constant effort to manage everything can lead to overwhelm, self-doubt, and burnout. But recognizing ADHD is not about finding flaws — it’s about understanding yourself with clarity and self-compassion, so you can create a life that works with your brain, not against it.

You’ve spent years trying to fix yourself, but what if you were never broken?

Before learning about ADHD, you may have blamed yourself for your struggles—thinking they were personal failings rather than signs of a different way of thinking and processing the world. Maybe you told yourself:

I’m lazy.

I’m disorganized.

I just need to be more disciplined.

You pushed yourself harder to keep up, masking your struggles by setting impossibly high standards. Perfectionism became your way of coping—if you could just be better, maybe no one would notice how much you were struggling. It was also a way to fit in, to feel like you belonged, because the feeling of being ‘different’ or ‘othered’ has been all too familiar. If you could meet those standards, maybe you’d finally feel like you were part of the group, rather than standing on the outside looking in.

And in many ways, perfectionism worked. It helped you achieve success and meet expectations—at least on the surface. But it’s come at a cost. The anxiety, the burnout, the relentless inner critic—all of these take a toll, and none of it has made life easier. Now, you’re ready to understand yourself in a new, more compassionate way.

ADHD doesn’t look the same for everyone. You may resonate with some of these experiences but not all—and that’s okay. ADHD is complex, and each person’s strengths and challenges show up differently. This isn’t a checklist or a diagnostic tool, just a glimpse into common patterns many women recognize in themselves.

ADHD often goes unrecognized in women, especially those who grew up navigating the expectations placed on girls. If you’ve spent years feeling different, misunderstood, or constantly working to keep up, you’re not alone. My counselling practice primarily supports women with late-diagnosed ADHD or self-identified ADHD, with a focus on the impact of societal gender norms on their experiences. While this is my practice’s area of focus, I deeply respect and affirm the diverse identities within the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.

The Hidden Struggles of ADHD in Women

If ADHD never quite looked the way you expected, there’s a reason. Many women don’t fit the stereotype of hyperactivity in ADHD—but that doesn’t mean their experiences aren’t valid. Instead of having a hard time sitting still, your ADHD experience might look like a constantly busy mind with racing thoughts or feeling overwhelmed. It might show up as:

Perfectionism & Constant Pressure

  • Holding yourself to unrealistically high expectations—because it’s driven ‘success’ in the past and possibly connected to proving your worth.

  • Feeling like you must earn rest by being constantly productive. It’s exhausting, yes?

  • Over time, this constant pressure can lead to ADHD burnout—where your mind and body crash from sheer exhaustion, yet true rest still feels out of reach. You may find yourself stuck in a cycle of pushing until you hit a wall, only to bounce back and do it all over again.

  • Overcommitting because saying yes seems like a fabulous idea in the moment… until you’re completely overwhelmed.

Anxiety & Overwhelm

  • Juggling a never-ending mental to-do list—quietly struggling to start or finish tasks.

  • So. Many. Decisions. Even small choices can feel oddly monumental.

  • Worrying about being behind or missing something important—even though you’re constantly putting in effort.

  • Some days, you feel unstoppable. Other days, even the ‘simplest’ tasks feel impossible. Oof!

The Fine Line Between Structure & Chaos 

  • Wanting consistency but also... not too much consistency. Too rigid, and it feels suffocating. Too loose, and things feel chaotic. Where’s the middle ground? 

  • Buying all the planners, apps, and colour-coded systems… because this time it’s totally going to stick. Right?

  • Delegating sounds great in theory—but explaining what needs to be done? Might as well do it yourself.

Focus That Has a Mind of Its Own

  • Nodding along in conversations even when your brain has completely checked out—because you’ve learned how to look like you’re paying attention.

  • Procrastinating on tasks until the last minute—not because you like the rush, but because starting sooner feels impossible... and pressure helps, right?

  • Jumping between projects—so many great ideas, but somehow, half of them are still unfinished.

  • Hyperfocus: getting deep into something, but oops—was that actually the priority?

All the Emotions and the Questioning too

  • Sensitivity to feedback—rationally, you know it’s not personal, but wow, does it still feel personal.

  • Overanalyzing a conversation hours (or days) later—Did I say the wrong thing? Did they think I was weird?

  • Feeling like you're too much one minute and not enough the next.

Why Now?

Women often go years without realizing they have ADHD—until a major life change makes past coping strategies unsustainable. In addition to your already heavy load, you may also be navigating:

  • Career transitions or increased work demands.

  • Perimenopause (which can intensify ADHD symptoms).

  • Parenting changes—shifting roles as kids grow older.

  • Caring for aging parents.

  • Recognizing ADHD traits in yourself after your child was assessed.

  • Stumbling upon ADHD content that resonated deeply—and suddenly, past struggles made sense.

If you’re exhausted from trying to keep up, wondering why everything feels harder than it should—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep struggling alone, either.


How Counselling Can Help

ADHD can affect many areas of life—sometimes in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. Counselling offers a space to make sense of your experiences, untangle challenges that may have felt frustrating or confusing, and find ways to move forward with more ease and self-trust. This isn’t about ‘fixing yourself’—it’s about understanding and working with your brain, so life feels less overwhelming. 

Our work together is tailored to you. Whether you seek practical strategies, space to process emotions or support in navigating life’s demands, counselling can help you find what works for you. More than just tools, this is a space to reflect, grow and move forward with clarity and confidence. Learn more about my approach

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s work together to help you navigate life’s challenges with more clarity and confidence.